Dear darling,

Today is your 6 month birthday so you have been very much in the thoughts of your daddy and I. This afternoon I was out getting a haircut at the time you were born and I was sitting in the chair remembering seeing them hold you over the screen. I had already seen Hugo as they carried him off crying but you were blue and still, hanging from the surgeon's hands. It took you a few moments to find your voice and it was such a soft cry. You melted my heart all over again when you did. I was just thrilled because they had told us you might not breathe by yourself.

Do you remember those first hours? I didn't see much of you after that moment as they whisked you past my nose and into an incubator to keep you warm. I made them get your grandma to be with you so you wouldn't be without someone who loved you on that first day. I knew I couldn't be there in person, you see. No, I didn't get to meet you properly until the next day but that doesn't mean I wasn't trying. I was lying on that bed upstairs trying to lift my legs and get them going again, fighting that anaesthetic just so I could get down to the SCBU to see you. But it didn't work, I hope you understand that there was nothing I could do.

Anyway, that day was so, so positive. You breathed by yourself and all we had to do was feed you up to get you big and strong to come home. Let's stick with that memory for tonight and forget what happened after. That day you were tiny but perfect and that's how you remain in my mind.

Come and snuggle with me in my dreams tonight, darling, and we'll dream of being together in heaven one day.
Mummy