The Wish List
1. I wish my baby hadn't died. I wish I had her back.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my baby's name. My baby lived and
was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my baby, I wish you knew
it isn't because you have hurt me. My baby's death is the cause of my tears.
You have talked about my baby, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I
thank you for both.
4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy
away from me. I need you now more than ever.
5. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to
hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk
about my baby, my favourite topic of the day.
6. I know you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my baby's
death pains you too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone
call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first
months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will
never be over. I will suffer the death of my baby until the day I die.
8. I am working very hard on my recovery, but I wish you could understand
that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my baby, and I will always
grieve that she is dead.
9. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy."
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
10. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me
grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
11. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable
for you to be around me when I am feeling miserable. Please be as patient with
me as I am with you.
12. When I say, "I'm doing okay, " I wish you could understand that I don't
"feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
13. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very
normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness
are all to be expected. So, please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or
irritable and cranky.
14. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a
day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that
I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
15. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my baby died, a
big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my baby
died, and will never be that person again.
16. I wish very much that you could understand-understand my loss and my
grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT, I pray that you will